Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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