So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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