Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
