you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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