wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
