is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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