She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
there is glitter all over my balls
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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