it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
