In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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