So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize