his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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