I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
