THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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