Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
nutella sex= disaster
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There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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