i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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