And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
