he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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