my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
