my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
