I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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