we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
