i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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