Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize