I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
