So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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