All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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