I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
