This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
