ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
