I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize