one might say we're banned from that church
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
