he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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