her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
