My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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