Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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