Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
