yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
