your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
