how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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