i dont even know how to be here
she peed on how many people?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
