I accidentally had phone sex last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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