i don't like sucking hair
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
