when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
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