Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
