well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
