Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
