btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize