plz talk dirty to me
I just pynch a tree in the face
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize