If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
