these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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