My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
