the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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