frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
