Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
