Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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