I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
my liver is dry heaving
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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