What did we do last night that was yellow?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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