dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It all started with a game of naked twister.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
