I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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