Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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