how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
