his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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