I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
