physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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