My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
