My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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