peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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