I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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