The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dating After Heartbreak
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?