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• (440): View more from Ohio

  obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  strike ten. I need to stop drinkng

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Well now I have my semen on her headphones

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Great news I took pics last night

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"

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