see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...