About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?