Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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