Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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