Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
