I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
