I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
