I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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