the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
